Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Been busy on the computer this morning.  I finally did my daughter's 2011 taxes.  Glad that's done.  Now, I can do mine!  Eeek!  Yuck!
This afternoon was another therapy session for the lymphedema.  I am just so thrilled to have this condition.  Yes, I am still talking about it.  It will never go away.  Neither will most of all my health issues.  They are here to stay.  I am trying to adjust, but it is taking a lot of time.  I am still learning about it all.  

I have lost another 1.4" from each leg.  That makes a total of about 14.5" each leg.  Up to the knee.  Oh, it's exciting, but not THAT exciting.  It only stays off if I continue wearing the solaris garments.  Forever.  Plus my new shoes aren't exactly what they wanted me to get, but at least I have some that fit.  

The therapist reminded me today that I need to do the clearing of the glands about 2-3 times daily.  This usually takes about 15 minutes.  Getting the leggings on takes about 15 minutes when I am by myself.  Just 5 if someone else is doing it.  Plus, the massage is going to be 3x weekly. This takes about 1.5 hours each time.  To go forever!  

The solaris leggings are not your everyday Tedd hose or the 20/30 compression stocking you find at the local medical supply.  NO.  They are COMPRESSION ARMOR!  Plus the fact that my legs swell anyway once the garments are on.  You know, pressure from the garments fighting pressure from my body.    I am not happy with this at all.  Don't think I ever will be.  I am trying to get used to it.  Not an easy task.

And the therapist also reminded me I am supposed to wear a light compression stocking to bed every night.  Now, how is that supposed to be sexy?  Forget comfort!  I just haven't been able to comply with that part yet.  I think my legs really need to breathe some time or another.  Maybe I will try it later.  Much later.  Maybe. 

Well, now it's time for me to stop venting and get ready for church.  See ya later, if you dare come back!  

Monday, June 18, 2012

In 1976, I meet a wonderful young man. Of course then I didn't know how wonderful he would turn out to be.  He asked me to marry him four times before I accepted.  Marriage was a scary commitment.  It is to be life-long with no exceptions except death.  I wanted to be sure.

We married in 1977 and have grown closer to the Lord and each other through the years.  Some were very hard. Some were exciting.  All were learning experiences.  But we have learned most of all that we love each other without exception.

We have four wonderful children.  They are all adults now of course.  But they all love the Lord.  They have given us seven beautiful grandchildren to love here on earth and a few already in Heaven.

Through the 35 years we have been together, Mike and I have seen many things.  Health, sickness, loss, tragedy, fun, friends, more family, and through it all, a peace from God.

There are many things I wish were health most of all.  And some of the past.  But, since I can't change any of that, I can look to the future of many more happy years together.  Mike is the love of my life.  He is  my best friend, lover, partner, father of my children, husband, pastor, and so much more.

I pray my children will have the same kind of love for their spouses that we have for each other.

God Bless.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Days like today I hate the pain.  It is so difficult to do simple household chores without pain.  Bending causes back pain.  This is not from the lupus or arthritis.  It is degenerative disk disease, torn disk and bulging disks. I can't sweep at all and vacuuming is difficult.

I don't like being dependent for these things.  But my house needs cleaned.  I don't like waiting for someone else to do it in their time.  When I want it done, I want it done now. Or at least soon.

I need my kitchen floor cleaned.  I know she will do it, but I've waited all week.  She's been busy, but I am ready for it to be done.  Maybe I will take pain meds, let them work and just do it myself.

Can't stoop or kneel either.  No squatting. How in the world am I supposed to get it done?

Days like this aggravate me with me.  Maybe God is trying to teach me to rely on Him as well as others.  I am after all, at His mercy.  And the helpfulness of family.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Low fevers, body aches and pains are a normal part of my life.  So, I have learned to ignore most of them.  My OT is a time of relaxation for me.  Boredom for Mike.  It takes about an hour and a half for the therapist to do the clearing and massage.  Everyone is noticing the difference.  I guess I am sceptical.  I do see the difference, but am wondering how long it will last.  She said it is a forever condition.  I am just hoping the compression garments are not forever.

I have lost 25" overall in both lower legs.  I have lost a few pounds as well. Not as many as I had hoped.  But maybe that is to come yet.  I am becoming "softer".  That means the protein is softening to break up and flow properly.  That is very good.

I keep hearing from people how they are inspired by me.  I also hear from several that keep up with me on Facebook and this blog.  This really boggles my mind.  I don't think I am anything special.  Others have pain and move on with life.  I am not the only one.  I don't mind being an inspiration I guess.  I mean, if God can use  me to help someone else, then that is a good thing.  A God thing.

I look to Job.  I think about his losses.  His boils.  I can't imagine having boils from head to toe.  One boil is enough pain for any one person!  It can't be "popped" like a zit or it will spread.  But, Job had boils covering his body.  No wonder he sat naked in the hot ashes!  The warmth most likely helped "ooze" the nasty stuff out of the boils and ease the pain.  And maybe help hid the odor of infection.

Then I am reminded of the sufferings of Christ.  His were "short lived" in that He died!  But He also rose again.  But to be beaten, humiliated and put to death.  Personally, I am NOT ready to die.  I am not afraid to die because I know I'll be in Heaven.  No more aches and pains.  No more fatigue and exhaustion!  But, I'm not ready to curl up and die.  I don't think God is finished with me yet.

I have also learned we cannot compare sufferings.  "I hurt less than Jane Doe."  Or "I have more issues than that person, but you don't see me whining!"  God gives us each just what we can deal with.  But we can never do it alone.  We need His help and peace.  Sometimes I think God must think I can handle a lot!  Because, sometimes I feel sorry for myself and think I have too much wrong with my body.  Usually those are days I am most tired and achy.  Usually a dose of meds will cure that issue.  And I am so very thankful for the doctors God has put in my way.

On a different note, I finally finished and am satisfied with the Lupus Awareness Butterfly pendant I have made.  How about I show it to you?  Tell me what you think.  Also, please, feel free to comment or ask questions.  If I can help, that is why God is allowing me to go through this.  In my humble opinion that is.

Have a blessed day!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

I am really happy to have my family home.  They came in last night all worn out, but we still had activities scheduled.  I think we went to bed around 11 pm and crashed.

Today, I once again, unloaded the clothes from the closet. We pulled out the pipe rod.  It is nearly 8' long.  And bent in two.  Mike is going to ask a welder if he can straighten it tomorrow.  In the meantime, all the clothes on my bed must now be the couch this time.  I really prefer to sleep in my bed than on the floor.

The other projects are complete and look great.

Next week I have a lot of paperwork and computer work to do.  I am hoping to get time to work on some jewelry orders.  I have a couple repairs to do and a larger order to do.  I need to also look for shows for the Summer.

I go to therapy on Wednesday.  We will see then if we are ready for them to teach us the massage for my legs and the lymphedema.

For tonight however, I still need to make dinner for tomorrow.  Today was a good day.  And God is always good.

Friday, June 8, 2012

I have enjoyed having my oldest granddaughter, Jessi, over yesterday and today.  We have done everything we could for fun, movies together, lots of food, soda, more food, more movies, and lots of laughs.  We have done a few projects too.

I took my new leggings off too early yesterday and put them on too late today. So, now my legs have started to swell again.  It is just going to take more time to get used to them. And to allow time to put them on.

I want to make sure my readers understand, when I argue with God, it is not in disrespect.  Nor am I alone in doing so.  Great men of the Bible also argued with God.  Some even "changed" God's mind when He was angry with Israel. I do not feel guilty in my conversations with God.  I have peace and release after our discussions.  Some of my decisions have been very difficult of late. His still small voice of direction have been comforting.

My husband and daughter have both been gone to church camp this week.  I have enjoyed the quiet house and the opportunity to get this accomplished.  However, one project, finished last night, has had a catastrophe this morning.  But there is nothing I can do now except wait for Mike to come home and help.

Well, now it's time to get off the pc and get to work.  I have about 4 1/2 hours left to finish everything before they get home.  Plus enough time to pick up Mom to bring her here for SNO.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Me and Jesus have been having some heavy duty talks lately.  Mostly me letting Him know how I feel about all the changes in my body and what I have to do to keep them under control.  I am voicing my feelings and opinion.   We had a really long talk in the shower this past Sunday morning.  I was almost late to church.

I do most of the talking/complaining/yelling/crying and such.  But I do listen to God in the background. That's where I put Him.  But you know He speaks in that still small voice.  I truly believe it is ok to get upset and voice my feelings to Him.  After all, He already knows my heart.  Why should I try to hide them from the One who knows all?

What was so bad Sunday?  Well, it began a long time ago.  I was raised to wear only dresses to church.  I know not everyone feels that way.  That's ok.  But that is how I was raised.  Personally, I do not feel it is wrong for a woman to wear slacks to church.  Modesty is the key in anything.  I do wear pants to activities.  I want to wear pants in the winter when it's freezing cold outside.  Especially on Wednesday's so I don't have to change clothes.  But I don't wear pants to church.  I also don't wear pants to services because I do not ever want to offend anyone, male or female, in our church.  There are some who wear pants to services.  That is fine.  They are always modest.  BUT, for me it is a big deal for me to wear pants.  In my heart I know it is not a sin or wrong in any way.

But I have had such struggles emotionally this past month.  Fits of anger.  Fits of crying.  Depression.  And then to go to church and pretend it is all ok.  I am not good at pretending, so I don't try very hard.  Folks read right through me.  Being at church makes me happy and things are 400% better when I go and visit with everyone.  And sometimes my husband preaches right to me!  He knows what I have been struggling with too. I also would never do anything to offend on purpose.

I tried wearing a skirt the first night with my new leggings.  It kept getting caught up on the fabric.  A slip might help, but it has lace and that gets caught up on the fabric as well.  I am NOT making excuses.  Because I am not worried about strangers opinions of what I wear as long as I am modest and respectful.  Strangers do not know me or my struggles.   Though I would not offend them on purpose, it is not their business.

Sunday, back on track, I fought with tears and emotions once again.  Jesus and me had a long, emotional talk while I took a long hot shower. Showers calm me. I cried to my Lord.  I prayed for wisdom and peace.  I cried some more.  I prayed some more.  The water turned cool. I got out, dried, and as I dressed, I thanked the Lord for the peace He gave me.

I put on a pair of brand new dress slacks, top, and my clunky tennis shoes.  I prayed as I drove the whole half mile to church.  I asked the Lord to please give our members grace and mercy as well.

This is Wednesday, I am putting on a pair of dress pants and going to church.  Hope to see you there.